Child sexuality

As a parent, you may be wondering when sexuality education for your child should begin. Many adults believe sex education should begin at puberty. Sexual learning, however, begins at birth. It is during the early years that your child will develop basic attitudes about sexuality.

What is sexuality?

Everything that has to do with being male or female
How we think of our bodies
Our relationships with one another
How we grow and change
How we reproduce

How do young children learn about sexuality?

In the way they are touched, caressed, cuddled and cared for from birth
Through exploration and learning how their bodies feel to themselves
By learning what is OK and not OK to do
From the words family members say, and don't say, to refer to body parts
By observing how family members express affection and caring for one another

Child Sexual Development

Humans are born sexual creatures. "The sexual response cycle as described by William Masters, M.D. and Virginia Johnson, M.A., is present at birth, and there is evidence that the neurological maturation necessary to produce penile erections occurs in utero."(a) We also learn about sexuality from our experience of the world. Thus sexuality has both a biological and cultural foundation. Studies of childhood sexuality explore biological / medical views or 'normative' (culturally appropriate behavior). Childhood sexuality is recognised as a stage in human sexual development (which is a changing process as we grow).

Children are naturally curious about their bodies and the bodies of others. It is normal behaviour for children to engage in sex play, which is specific and different to adult behaviour e.g. A child may find pleasure in touching their genitals, adults from having sexual intercourse.(b)

"Babies and children are sexual creatures. .. In the vast majority of cultures in the world, children witness adult sexuality as part of their everyday life experience. Things are different in the West where children are required to be 'innocent' and seen as empty slates. .. If it could be proven that by allowing children to gain knowledge of sexuality naturally as they grow up that we would be harming or damaging them in any way, we would of course, be against it - but there is no proof. On the contrary, work done by Margaret Mead and others suggests in societies where children are not repressed sexually, they show no preoccupation with sex and grow up sexually balanced. In such cultures, perversions and deviations are rare." (Dr Philip Cauthery, Dr Andrew and Penny Stanway, The Complete Book of Love and Sex, 1989)(c)

Two famous analysts, Sigmund Freud (1856–1939) and Alfred Kinsey (1894-1956) studied childhood sexuality.

"Popular opinion has quite definite ideas about the nature and characteristics of the sexual instinct. It is generally understood to be absent in childhood, to set in at the time of puberty in connection with the process of coming into maturity and to be revealed in the manifestation of an irresistible attraction exercised by one sex upon the other, while its aim is presumed to be sexual union, or at all events action leading in that direction. We have every reason to believe, however, that these views give a very false picture of the true situation. If we look into them more closely we shall find that they contain a number of errors, inaccuracies and hasty conclusions." (Sigmund Freud, Three Essays of the Theory of Sexuality, 1905)(c)

"The sexual maturation of a child reflects the overall pattern of development, from absorption in and dependency on the family of origin through the gradual acquisition of a sense of the autonomous self, to the confidence and desire to establish an intimate bond and form the family of choice. The erotic response of infancy is global, undifferentiated and polymorphously perverse. In childhood, it moves toward a genital focus (more surely for boys than for girls) and is expressed through purposefully directed masturbatory activity and perhaps some negotiated social interaction (often with same sex partners). At pubescence, the genital focus intensifies, the acquisition of opposite sex partners gains importance for heterosexual youth and sexual experience per se is the paramount goal. In adolescence, this motivation of curiosity and self gratification emerges into one of sexual reciprocity and mutual sharing. Partnerships are increasingly stable, interdependent and emotionally intimate. It is well to note that this developmental schema appears to be stable in all cultures, whether they be sexually repressive, restrictive, permissive or supportive; however, it is enhanced by, but not dependent on, the child's ability to engage in sexual behavior and is seen as a mental construct in the absence of sexual experimentation. There is considerable evidence that adult sexual health and pleasure are positively correlated with age appropriate childhood sexual behavior. The interplay between the individual sex drive, importance of sex in a person's life and the sexual values of the culture (sex-negative or sex-positive messages) will determine the opportunity for sexual behavior in childhood and adolescence."(a)

"The ability to love and to accept love, to form relationships and to enter into mature, adult sexual bonds depends to a larger extent on the experiences one has as a young child. Early experiences can destroy the development process and can cause adults to be psychologically immature. The impact of parents and a warm, stable loving home environment is important to psychological well-being. If this is absent, distortions are likely to result which may not be resolvable without help later in life." (Peter Vardy, The Puzzle of Sex, 1997)

Internet Resources on Child Sexuality: Academic Essay

An academic essay on child sexuality which discusses topics such as breastfeeding, physical contact between mother and child, intimacy and emotional maturity, child genital exploration and masturbation, sexual fantasy, interaction with peers, inhibiting sexual experiences of infants / children and how mainstream society views child sexuality.

"During the first year of life, there is progression in an infant's discovery of its body and its exploration of parts of the body, including the genitals. The fingering or simple pleasurable handling of the genitals is referred to as genital play. Infants in their first year are generally not capable of the direct, volitional, rhythmic movement that characterizes masturbation, while genital play requires little coordination and begins as early as the second half of the first year of life. The greater auto erotic satisfaction climaxing in orgasm depends largely on rhythmic, repetitive movement. Rhythmic manipulation of the genitals involving use of the hands does not generally begin until the child is approximately two and one-half or three years old, probably because small muscle control is not well enough developed earlier, yet Alfred Kinsey reported on one seven month old infant and five infants under age one who were observed masturbating.

Large muscle control involving muscles used in rocking or in rubbing against persons or objects is well enough coordinated by six months of age to make such masturbatory activity possible."

"That infants and small children have the physiological capacity for sexual response, that they are curious about their bodies and the bodies of others, that they are attracted to intimate interaction with others have all been established. With a permissive environment, modeling, encouragement, and stimulation, there appears to be no cessation of sensual and sexual activity from first discovery and on through life. The question for any society is: Is there such a thing as age-appropriate sexual behavior for children? There is no agreement on the answer to that question in American society. There is one universal norm of child sexuality that is accepted by all responsible adults; namely, that children should not be sexually abused. ... That universal norm does not take one very far in understanding age-appropriate sexual behavior, however. In fact, rational discussion of age-appropriate sexual behavior and research on human sexual development have scarcely begun." (Vern and Bonnie Bullough, ed. Human Sexuality: An Encyclopedia New York: Garland Publishing Company, 1994)(c)

Editor: Karene Jade Howie

Based

www.ejhs.org/volume3/Haroian/body.htm
parentkidsright.com/pt-sexplay.html
www.ipce.info/booksreborn/martinson/articles/1994_children.html

Renaissance art depicting two boys at sex play (fresco, Museum of Villa Giulia, Rome).

Child sexuality refers to sexual feelings, behavior and development in children.

Theories of sexual development may be broadly divided into two types: those which tend to emphasize innate biology (which may be encouraged or disturbed during childhood) and those which tend to emphasize sexuality as a social construct (with child sexuality strongly influenced by the larger society).(1)

Early childhood (ages 0-5)

Sexual curiosity, arousal, and behavior are spontaneously expressed unless the child istaught to inhibit them.
Children in the first two years of life engage in simple pleasurable handling of their genitals.
A few begin masturbating before age 2, but many begin at age 2 or 3 as they have developed sufficient muscle coordination.
If left unsupervised, play among 2- or 3-year olds can be sexual, although interest in sex play is not dominant.
In an Israeli kevutza, one researcher found play among two year olds sometimes includedkissing each other, and touching each others' genitals.
At age 4, curiosity about their own genitals and those of peers increases. They may fondle their own genitalia and show them too thers.
4- or 5- year olds like to talk about objects and activities that they sense adultsconsider dirty or taboo, including those that refer to body parts and sexual functions. Theymay use them to shock or challenge adults or to tease peers.
Doctor/nurse/patient games and similar forms of play become common. They may involve examining, touching, and manipulating others' genitals. Sex play is spontaneous, light-hearted, and exploratory rather than goal oriented.
Even play as intimate as kissing of others' genitals is reported by nursery school staff.

What can a parent do?

Infancy to two years

Help your baby recognize correct names for body parts. During dressing, diapering and bathing, practice saying names of body parts to your baby. If you use words such as penis, vulva and rectum as you would words such as eye, ear and nose, you will be more comfortable using these words in conversations when your child is older.

Two to three years

Praise and reinforce your toddler during toilet training. Promote your child's self-esteem and healthy sexual attitudes by accepting their questions and explorations.

Parents will respond differently as their children's awareness of sexuality grows.

Many parents wonder how they should respond to their young child's genital play. Although genital play and masturbation are normal and universal in young children, parents' responses may vary. You may:

Choose to ignore the behavior. When your child is older you can explain about modesty and private behavior.
Smile as your baby discovers his or her genitals. You may say, "I know that feels good," conveying respect for your child's feelings.

If your child's genital play is unacceptable to you, distract your child from that behavior by providing another activity. Do not punish your child for genital play. Punishment may result in long-lasting negative feelings about genital pleasure.

As you hold, cuddle and touch your baby, you are communicating and expressing love, your acceptance of your baby's maleness and femaleness and how important your baby is.

Both mothers and fathers should cuddle and touch babies. During your child's first three years, he or she is learning what it means to be a boy or a girl. Give your child the opportunity to explore a range of roles and activities that are not restricted by barriers that say "little girls do this," and "little boys don't do that." Your child is learning about caring for others, sensitivity to feelings and solving problems.

Masturbation and orgasm

According to Alfred Kinsey's examinations in the 1950s, children are capable of experiencing orgasm from the age of five months. Kinsey observed that among three-year-olds girls more often masturbated than boys, probably because of their faster developed motor function. Lubrication of the vagina was also observed on sexually aroused girls - similar to that of adult women. Until boys start producing semen (around puberty), they can only experience dry orgasms.

So far a difference in quality of the orgasms of children and adults could not be found. With respect to quantity, children and adolescents seem to be more potent than adults. Boys are normally capable of repeated orgasms. Children are not necessarily restricted to direct manipulation of their genitals to reach orgasm, but can actually achieve it via rhythmic movements or compression of the thighs.

Some researchers have suggested that child masturbation may be considered nonsexual if the child has not learned to associate it with sexual intercourse.(2)

Peer groups

As soon as social interaction between children has matured, activity for sexual satisfaction expands to members of the peer group (same age). Sexual activity among children is often observed in nurseries. The motivation is mainly sexual satisfaction and to a lesser extent interest in the bodies of others. Children often temporarily lose interest in further exploration after initial satisfaction, and explorations continue over a longer period. Additionally about half of the observed sexual activities involve a partner of the same sex.

Middle childhood (ages 6-11)

At the ages five to seven years observations of sexual interactions become more infrequent. This is often ascribed to sexual latency. However, it is unclear, whether the observation is caused by feelings of shame that develop during the same age interval, or whether the activities continue in secrecy.

Sexual activities

Sexual activities widely vary. They include sexually motivated hugs and kissing as well as genital play and one-sided or mutual masturbation up to attempted or performed intercourse. The most common activity for boys and girls is masturbation of themselves. For mutual activity, it is mutual masturbation. Attempted and performed intercourse is more infrequent among children.

Most of the observed sexual activities were promiscuous: an available and willing partner is picked without prior intimacy as a precondition.

One adult retrospectively reported: "All I really noticed about having erections when I was seven or eight years old was that they occurred when I thought about a young girl I felt romantically inclined toward. Also, they made it very difficult to roll over in bed. I never knew the purpose of the arousal, but I was aroused."

There is consent that sexual preferences and the associated sexual fantasies show up early and stabilise during further development. Isolated reports of homosexuals and pedophiles about their childhood say that they were aware of their affection to the same sex or to a certain age group and had corresponding fantasies. A fact about homosexual boys is that they much more commonly initiated sexual contact with men than did heterosexual girls.

Ages 6 through 9

Sigmund Freud suggested that this was a time of sexual latency, when the healthy child ceased all sexual interest and was vulnerable to trauma if he or she experienced sexuality. Researchers find little evidence to support this theory.
Boys enjoy rule-breaking, including "talking dirty", and they get visibly excited whileengaging in such talk. Sexual language and jokes increase during this time. Some boys may share pornography with each other. Others may perform sexual play on each other.
Girls have giggling sessions with their friends, with sex often being the source of amusement.
Children may like to talk to their mother or father privately about marriage, pregnancy, and birth, but may be disturbed about thoughts of intercourse and/or delivery. Their questions may persist over a long period of time.
They may be sensitive about an opposite sex sibling or playmate seeing them without clothing.
On the other hand, they continue to be curious about anatomical differences; playing "show" and "doctor" help satisfy that curiosity.
Sexual fantasies among 8- or 9-year olds might take any form known to adults. One study showed they were aided by photos of nudes or pornographic magazines, or involved people the children knew.
Greater peer group activity can lead to group masturbation and sexual experimentation. If children are left unsupervised, sex play will occasionally occur.
How sexual the activity becomes depends on how much sexual activity the children have observed andhow permissive the society is. Children in cultures where they are able to observe adult sexual relationswill engage in copulatory behaviors as early as 6 or 7 years of age.
A 1943 study of primarily white, middle and upper-middle class Midwestern urban boys found that 16%had had intercourse by age 8.
Sex play with older children is also common. Some is pleasant to the child, some is not. Children's interest and curiosity about sex may be exploited by older siblings or extended family members and caretakers.
Children become interested in boy/girl relationships and may have a girlfriend or boyfriend, but these relationships tend to be short with little personal involvement.

Age 10 to Puberty

Research in this age group appears mostly confined to the United States. This age range is often called prepubescence.

Most boys understand the fundamentals of intercourse. Some view pornographic magazines together.
If there is any boy-girl pairing, it is usually done because the culture expects it. The relationshipsare predominantly social rather than sexual.
There are kissing games and more serious goal-directed kissing, frequently marked by excitement, erotic overtones, embarrassment, or guilt. Some is experienced very positively, some very negatively. Many American children acquire experience with deep kissing.
Often a sexual experience occurs as a result of a specific occasion such as an athletic event, a band or play rehearsal, a sleepover, a visit to cousins, or a party. Activities sometimes change from games ordancing into more intimate caressing and fondling. However, boy-girl genital fondling is not a universal experience in the United States.
At least some American children experience oral sex, anal sex, or intercourse prior to puberty.
Studies have found that before age 13, from one-third to half have engaged in sex play, and from 20% to one-third have attempted or completed intercourse.
While sexual intercourse is not common at this age in the US, it is established practice in some societies.
Studies have found that one-third to one-half of children have engaged in same-gender activity (such as masturbation, touching of the genitals, or exhibitionism) by age 14. One study found sexual activity was more frequent for boysin the lower socio-educational level, who had received sexual information from older boys or adult males. Their activity involved fondling, mutual masturbation, or fellatio. (This appears to be unrelated to adult sexual orientation.)
In Germany, twenty cases of abortion for ten year old girls were reported in the year 2002.

Throughout childhood (ages 0-11)

Sex play among siblings

Researcher Floyd Martinson writes that because of the constant, close interaction of siblings, sex play may occur between them. A 1980 study of college students found 10% to 15% had had a childhood sexual experience with a brother or sister. 40% had been under the age of 8 at the time. The most common activities were touching and fondling of the genitals. 30% reported positive reactions and 30% reported negative reactions, but most did not have strong feelings about these experiences. Some type of coercion had been used in one quarter of the experiences; negative reactions tend to be associated with coercion.

Martinson also writes that in the process of growing up, it is common for children to have encounters involving exposing or sexual touching in which the other child is either too young or too old to be regarded as a peer. Some encounters are pleasant to the child, others are not. Some are clearly abusive. Negative reactions tend to be more common as the difference in ages increases.

Legal aspects

In some societies (for example, in some American states) all sexual relationships between children, even consensual, are prohibited by statutory rape laws. The age at which a minor may legally consent to sexual relations with a person of any age is referred to as the Age of Consent.

In other jurisdictions (for example, some Australian states) there is no prohibition against similarly aged children engaging in consensual sex acts from as young as 10.(3)

Asexuality

Children who will grow up to be asexual often do not experience most of the feelings and do not show the behaviors that were described above. Some may feel aroused, but usually not while specifically thinking of a peer or any other person. Some may feel ashamed, not aware of their situation, and try to force themselves into imitating their peers, yet mostly they will just try to avoid sexual activity altogether.

Cultural issues

Childhood sexual development and expression is dependent partly on innate human nature and partly on the child's larger culture, in a mix that may vary between and indeed within cultures.

The extent of children's sexual activity depends on the way they have been brought up and how knowledgeable they are. In different communities and socioeconomic groups, stages of sexual development occur at different times and last longer or shorter depending on the attitude of adult cuture and interactions with peers. Children in cultures which permit or encourage early sexual expression display a developmental pattern that is not apparent in more sexually restrained societies, e.g.:

In early childhood, masturbation alone and in groups leads to exploration and experimentation amongchildren of the same and the opposite sex.
Mutual masturbation, oral stimulation of the genitals, and intercourse take place between children anywhere between ages five and twelve.
Late childhood (prepubescence) is characterized by heterosexual role modeling and attempted intercourse; girls may begin having regular intercourse with older boys.
In pubescence, adult-like heterosexual patterns replace earlier ones.

In addition, sexual attitudes in western society have changed over time. Sexual exploitation of children was freely indulged in until the latter half of the 18th century, when it was repudiated. Then parents began to discipline children for their sexual curiosity and activity. During the Victorian era, the cultural belief that childhood was free of sexual knowledge, interest, and behavior coexisted with constant adult surveillance of children's sexuality. This produced a pervasive negative preoccupation with sexuality and a category of emotional disorders labeled "psychosexual".

The United States today

There is little agreement in US society about what is age-appropriate sexual behavior for children, except that it must not be abusive. Researcher Loretta Haroian writes that the mental health community has a poorly defined concept of sexual health. It attempts to serve those who experience sexual pathology, but the definition of sexual pathology often fails to consider the broad range of human sexual activity and its developmental aspects.

Most parents seem to agree that the socialization of young children should inhibit sexual impulses toward family members and peers. Parents control information (using closed bedroom doors, separate sleeping arrangements for each child, separate bathing, and early modesty training) to keep dormant the young child's curiosity and to limit sexual activity.

Haroian writes that children are subject to the values of their parents and advises parents to be clear about their rules without burdening the child with fear and guilt. In addition, children may need protection from the liability of sexual contracts. She writes that this does not suggest that there is inherent harm in sexual expression in childhood; in fact, there is considerable evidence to the contrary. That is, she makes a distinction between social appropriateness or morality on the one hand, and harmfulness on the other.

Sexualization of children

Some cultural critics have postulated that over recent decades children have evidenced a level of sexual knowledge or sexual behaviour inappropriate for their age group. This is often compared and contrasted with popular notions of childhood innocence.

A number of different causes are cited, including media portrayals of sex and related issues, especially in media aimed at children; marketing of products with sexual connotations to children; (4) lack of parental overwatch and discipline;(5) access to adult culture via the world wide web and school sex education programs.

Conclusions

Due to the socially defined nature of human behavior it is difficult to scientifically define what normal child sexuality would be. Behavior varies drastically among different groups of people due to their values, and among different youth due to differences in the strength of their sexual feelings and variation in their development.

What is considered morally acceptable in a particular society may bear no relationship to common behaviors, and at times sexual morality is specifically condemnatory towards behaviors that are relatively common in those societies. An example of this is the difference in moral attitudes towards bestiality which Kinsey found to be both more common and more condemned in rural areas.

Child sexuality is a complex topic that raises much controversy and a pragmatic way of viewing it in any society is to refer to the legal situation as being a consensus view of public attitudes.

Research

Early Research

The two most famous figures in child sexualty research are probably Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939) and Alfred Kinsey (1894 - 1956).

Freud's 1905 work Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality outlined a theory of psychosexual development with five distinct phases: the oral stage (0 - 1.5 years), the anal stage (1.5 - 3.5 years), the phallic stage (3.5 - 6 years) culminating in the resolution of the Oedipus conflict followed by a period of sexual latency (6 years to puberty) and the genital, or adult, stage. Freud's basic thesis was that children's early sexuality is polymorphous and that strong incestual drives develop, and the child must harness or sublimate these to develop a healthy adult sexuality.

Freud's theories were developed about a century ago in an environment differing from the modern, and his research was largely confined to his own observations and readings. Some of Freud's theories (such as penis envy have been largely superseded, and many modern experts consider his work obsolete, but the core body of his work has never been entirely either accepted or rejected by the scientific and medical communities.

Alfred Kinsey, whose two seminal works are the Kinsey Reports (1948 and 1953), marshalled the resources to make the first large-scale surveys of sexual behavior. Kinsey's work focuses on adults, but he also studied children and developed the first statistical reports of childhood masturbation.

Substantial data regarding what is age-appropriate and normal have not been compiled in the half-century since Kinsey's reports appeared.(1)

Modern research

Empirical knowledge about child sexual behaviour is not gathered by direct interviews of children, but almost exclusively by observations of third persons and by retrospective narrations. Additionally, research about child sexuality nearly stopped during the 1980s and 1990s.

Thus study and interpretation of child sexuality depends especially on the observer and it is likely that cultural biases affect that interpretation. Layers of indirection and bias in study leave conclusions to be as inexact as the method of observation. Further difficulty in this field of study is that child sexuality often is not recognized or is reinterpreted as infant play or just physical exploration. It is also unknown what child sexual behaviour is consistent with a statistical norm. However even a statistical norm would not be significant, because the variety of human sexual behaviour does not fit into a single norm.

Researchers also note that studies giving frequencies of various childhood sexual behaviors are unreliable since behavior varies among different groups of people, and among different youth due to variation in the strength of their sexual feelings and variation in their development. Also, studies often rely on adults who try to recall events that occurred long ago. Therefore, the data only give us an idea of the types of behavior that children engage in, not an accurate idea of its frequency.

Notes

Larsson, IngBeth. Child sexuality and sexual behaviour(2000, Swedish NationalBoard of Health and Welfare (report), Article number 2000-36-001. English translation (Lambert & Tudball) Article number 2001-123-20. PDF file.
Gagnon, J. H., and Simon, W. Sexual conduct and the social sources of human sexuality (Chicago, Aldine Publishing Company, 1973)
Victoria (Australia) Crimes Act, 1958, section 45(4)

External links

References

Diana Gittins, Children's Sexuality: Why Do Adults Panic?. In The Child in Question. Macmillan, 1997. ISBN 0333511093.
Ronald Goldman and Juliette Goldman, Children's Sexual Thinking: A Comparative Study of Children Aged Five to Fifteen Years in Australia, North America, Britain and Sweden. London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1982. ISBN 071000883X.
Loretta Haroian, "Child Sexual Development", monograph prepared for student use at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, ca. 1985.Online copy by the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality.
Stevi Jackson, Childhood and Sexuality. Blackwell Publishing, 1982. ISBN 0631128719.
Floyd M. Martinson, "Children and Sex, Part II: Childhood Sexuality", in Bullough, Vern Leroy & Bullough, Bonnie (eds.), Human Sexuality: An encyclopedia, New York: Garland Publishing, 1994, p. 111-116. Online copy, reprinted with permission.
Floyd M. Martinson, The Sexual Life of Children, Bergin & Garvey, 1994. ISBN 089789376X.
Susan M. Moore, Doreen A. Rosenthal, Sexuality in Adolescence. Routledge, 1993. ISBN 0415075289.
David L. Weis, "Childhood Sexuality", in Robert T. Francoeur (ed.), The International Encyclopedia ofSexuality, New York: Continuum, 1997. Online Copy by the Magnus Hirschfeld Archive of Sexology.

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